I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
