that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
