Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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