ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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