It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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