i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
