So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize