This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
