i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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