garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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