I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
