Pappa wants mamma naked
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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