also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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