i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
