Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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