mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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