why didn't you poke me back
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
