What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
