went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
