So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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