I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
