Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
