Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
