can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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