hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
