yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
