singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
