Soap is not a condiment
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We had to coat check the pizza.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
