I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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