ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
