just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
