Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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