just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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