fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
