If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
