Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
