sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
