remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
