dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
