Screwed.edu
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize