Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize