when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
