I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
