I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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