He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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