there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
