I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think a kid would responsible me up
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
