I'm drive I can fine osifer
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
