this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize