I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
