I met the friendliest cop last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So many bounce houses so little time
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
