Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
