i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
