Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
