Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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