I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
