How'd it feel making her break her religion?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
