I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
whose parrot is this?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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