I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the day after is always just damage control
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
